We visit the Adirondacks almost every summer.  Great for flat water kayaking.  In honor of our advanced age, and the enormous height of our truck – we have just purchased kayak racks for geriatrics.  This should prevent lots of injuries (not to mention arguments) in the future.

EMS (Eastern Mountain Sports) did not have these racks on display – and I had a hard time picturing how they worked from just a picture in a catalog.  If they used YouTube like this company – they would sell a lot more of them!

Hullavator Demonstrated by Rack Outfitters

When times were hard, you were there,
When I was happy, my joy you’d share
When I was sad, you’d comfort me,
When I was confused, you helped me see.
I never knew, just what I had,
Now that we’re apart, I’m so very sad.
You were always there, through the end,
Through thick and thin, you were my friend.
That’s what they say Mothers do,
So when I say Mom, I think of you.

~ Author Unknown

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Madge Waites passed away on November 28, 2008. She was 96 years old. Everyone says that is a good long life, but is anyone ever prepared to lose a best friend?

Many might consider my life marked by tragedy … my parents married at the end of WWII, and both of them died by the time I was 2 years old. In reality, I have been blessed with numerous “surrogate” parents – my American grandparents, uncles and aunts on both sides of the Atlantic, and my dear mother-in-law and father-in-law who filled in as parents to the “adult-child”. Hillary Clinton once said that “It takes a village to raise a child”. Evidently it took 2 countries to raise this particular child.

In spite of the geographic distance, Aunt Madge and I have been best friends forever. I always felt a bit like the ugly duckling in my American family – different, odd, the proverbial square peg trying to fit into the round hole. When I met Aunt Madge, I felt right. I’d found my way home.

Aunt Madge had an amazing life. She was born in 1912. Think of the changes that she saw in her long life! Her father was virtually an indentured servant, as a farm laborer in England. This was during a time when farm workers were hired at village fairs, and received NO wages until they had worked for a full year. If they left before the year was up – they forfeited all wages. To improve his family’s future, he went to work in the coal mines, eventually loosing his life to lung cancer in his early 50’s. But before he died, he became a union organizer to improve the lives of workers. He took his children, Jack and Madge on long hiking and bike trips so they would learn about the beauty & history of their country. He spent hours studying world geography with his children, so they would know more of the world beyond a few neighboring villages. He must have been a very gifted teacher. He died in November, 1932.

My English grandmother kept her little family together by taking in sewing. Jack went into the merchant marine at age 16, and traveled the world. From 1940 through 1945, he was captain of a merchant ship transporting goods through submarine infested waters. He met my mother in New York City and married her in February 1945. He died suddenly in November, 1946.

Aunt Madge was determined to be a teacher and put herself through college. She taught young children for many years. Eventually she rose to the position of head-mistress and opened a brand new school for primary age students. My cousin Melanie always used to say, “Oh Aunt Madge, you DO have a BOSSY walk!”

Aunt Madge married late in life. It was a long time friendship that grew into a loving relationship. She and Uncle John were soul-mates. On one visit, I came upon them having a quiet conversation. They had just watched a news program about a crisis in Africa that had brought starvation and suffering into the lives of children. They both decided to double their regular giving to charity. I was amazed. I had never known anyone to see suffering on television and decide to DO something about it personally. All of this was done quietly. I would never have known had I not wandered into the room exactly at that moment. It made a huge impression on me. Because of this incident, I feel that she would vigorously approve of donations to Doctors Without Borders in her honor.

Aunt Madge took care of people all her life. When her mother’s health failed, she and Uncle John took her into their own home to care for her. She was kind and patient with her mother who had a rather difficult, unbending personality. Her mother also died in the month of November.

Uncle John suffered from several chronic ailments. Aunt Madge took care of him and loved him through many challenging illnesses. Uncle John lost his battle and was buried in November, 1981. Now they are together again, in St. Cuthbert’s church in Akworth, in Yorkshire.

After John’s death, Aunt Madge went to live with his sister Wem. She and Aunt Wem visited us here in America during the mid-1980’s. Their visit was full of fun and laughter. Shortly after that visit, Aunt Wem had a stroke and Aunt Madge took care of her for several years until her death in mid-October, 1994.

Through all this, I have reams of letters, and many visits: while I was growing up; later on with my husband Bob, and still later several visits with Jason & Kristin while they were growing up. Bob became a loving son to Aunt Madge – and our children & granddaughter were her grandchildren. She was very proud of all of them.

During the past 10 years, Aunt Madge’s health and eyesight failed. I am grateful that my English cousins, Godfrey, Margaret, Daniel & Fiona looked after her so lovingly for many years. Fortunately, as her health problems increased, overseas telephone calls greatly improved. That allowed us to keep our 61 year old friendship going in spite of the distance.

The stroke she had a few years ago sometimes caused mixed-up words. No matter. She just needed a little prompting. All those geography lessons she learned from her father stuck with her. I mentioned South Carolina once, and she was momentarily confused. “South Carolina”, I said, “a state in the southern part of our country.” A brief pause….. and then, “Oh yes, I remember – Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida.”

Aunt Madge was almost always optimistic and upbeat. But she confessed to a dread of the month of November. So much sadness for her in that month …

Her quiet, dignified and valuable life came to an end much too soon. She died in November – 2 days after my father’s death 62 years ago. She was 96 years young – and truly my surrogate mother AND my best friend forever. I will miss her always – but I will remember her strength, dignity, sense of history, and typically English, chin-up, “let’s get on with it” attitude. Her generation – truly the Greatest Generation.

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“I need y’all to be really, really quiet for this. I need you to really understand what I’m telling you. …Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk. Martin Luther King walked so Obama could run. Obama’s running so we all can fly.” Jay-Z

Crispus fell, so Rosa Parks could sit. Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King, Jr. could march. Martin Luther King, Jr. marched so Barack Obama could run. Barack is running so our children can FLY!  Unattibuted

“Rosa sat so Martin could walk. Martin walked, so Obama could run. Obama is running so our children can fly.” Unidentified email message

Now that the election has taken place, I’d like to suggest a simple change in tense:

“Rosa sat so Martin could walk. Martin walked, so Obama could run. Obama ran so our children can fly.”

I have been saddened by this part of our nation’s history. But at the same time, I have been honored and blessed to see us work past this history with the Montgomery bus boycott, Selma, and all the other milestones on the way towards our nation’s ideal of equality for all. There are no words to describe my feelings as our nation takes another step away from those ugly days of my childhood – and closer to an era dreamed about by Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

On November 4, 2008 – we took another step towards living up to that ideal.
Embedded video from <a href=”http://www.cnn.com/video” mce_href=”http://www.cnn.com/video”>CNN Video</a>

I’ve been thinking about my own source for humor for a couple of days. I am not sure entirely – but I just find life hilariously funny. I think I got my sense of the absurd from the grandmother who raised me. She was an imposing Irish woman who faced many hardships in her life – not the least of which was the death of her daughter and son-in-law (my parents) and the subsequent inheritance of a 2-year old granddaughter to raise. Just when most folks are contemplating retirement, my grandparents were starting all over again with potty-training, first days of school, girl scouts, teenage trauma and on and on. Bless them!

My grandmother’s letters were always a source of hilarity to my college roommates. How I wish I had saved them! She always signed the letters T.O.B. – The Old Bag. I remember one letter vividly. As if raising me was not enough – she also took in another granddaughter whose parents split up. Merrie was about 10 when I went to college. In her letter, Grandma wrote: “You won’t believe the latest. Merrie wants a bra. You may as well put a bra on a WORM!!” That image has always stayed with me.

My grandfather had his funny moments as well. While home from college one weekend, I lost an earring. My grandmother thought perhaps it had fallen inside my bra. Having rather the figure of a worm myself at the time, I joked that it had probably fallen straight through onto the ground. Both grandparents laughed. Then we went back to school where we joined up with my boyfriend (future husband). While out to dinner, they asked Bob if he liked his dorm room. To which Bob replied – “It’s great. My closet is so big – I have nothing in my drawers.” Silly us – neither of us noticed the humor potential of that particular statement. But the next thing you knew – my grandfather whispered something in my grandmother’s ear, rendering them both helpless with laughter. Being young, and evidently humor challenged at the moment, Bob and I had no idea why they were laughing and my grandmother would not tell me till later. Evidently, when Bob had commented on the contents (or lack thereof) of his drawers, Grandpa had whispered: “SHE’s got nothing in her bra. HE’s got nothing in his drawers. WHAT do they do for entertainment?”

One of their greatest gifts to me was a sense of humor. All my file cabinets – real and virtual – have folders titled “Humor & Inspiration”. Humor is truly the gift of a life worth living. I am grateful to those 2 special people for so many things – and I miss their laughter and love every day.

We went to Ithaca and hiked several gorge trails and visited an interactive science museum. Did a lot of swimming and read 2 books – “Little Brother” by Cory Doctorow and “The Reserve” by Russell Banks. I need more thinking time about both of them…

The best part of family vacations is – family. I LOVE having adult children. It is so great to see that all those family vacations with the kids fighting and whining in the back seat have resulted in well-adjusted adults who value family time and are passing on the joys of family vacations to our granddaughter. She hardly whined at all – and since she is an only child, she had no one to fight with.

My best moment…. Laughing with my son until the tears rolled and my face hurt. He and I share the same rather skewed sense of humor. At the end of one of the gorge trails, we were sitting on a bench with a memorial plaque. The plaque contained the name of a husband and wife with a Polish last name, followed by the phrase “What a Country” and was signed “Love, Your Children”.

I said to Jason – “This is what I want instead of a headstone when I die – a nice bench like this with a beautiful view and a plaque.”

Jason’s reply? “Great idea Mom – we can inscribe it “Fart Here!”

I just lost it. I’m laughing as I type. Between screams of laughter, we decided to clean up the inscription a little. We settled upon a much more poetic version: “Sit ye here and fart awhile”. It has a certain ring to it – don’t you think?

Anyway – reluctantly we decided that we should probably find something altogether more solemn and respectable. I know – boring. But Jason has promised that he will put the bit about farting on the back of the bench as a little reward for anyone industrious enough to look beyond the surface.

So … if you see a little bench somewhere with a pretty, inspirational phrase – be sure to look a little further to see if there is a less polite message hiding out somewhere.