I Think of You

When times were hard, you were there,
When I was happy, my joy you’d share
When I was sad, you’d comfort me,
When I was confused, you helped me see.
I never knew, just what I had,
Now that we’re apart, I’m so very sad.
You were always there, through the end,
Through thick and thin, you were my friend.
That’s what they say Mothers do,
So when I say Mom, I think of you.

~ Author Unknown

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Madge Waites passed away on November 28, 2008. She was 96 years old. Everyone says that is a good long life, but is anyone ever prepared to lose a best friend?

Many might consider my life marked by tragedy … my parents married at the end of WWII, and both of them died by the time I was 2 years old. In reality, I have been blessed with numerous “surrogate” parents – my American grandparents, uncles and aunts on both sides of the Atlantic, and my dear mother-in-law and father-in-law who filled in as parents to the “adult-child”. Hillary Clinton once said that “It takes a village to raise a child”. Evidently it took 2 countries to raise this particular child.

In spite of the geographic distance, Aunt Madge and I have been best friends forever. I always felt a bit like the ugly duckling in my American family – different, odd, the proverbial square peg trying to fit into the round hole. When I met Aunt Madge, I felt right. I’d found my way home.

Aunt Madge had an amazing life. She was born in 1912. Think of the changes that she saw in her long life! Her father was virtually an indentured servant, as a farm laborer in England. This was during a time when farm workers were hired at village fairs, and received NO wages until they had worked for a full year. If they left before the year was up – they forfeited all wages. To improve his family’s future, he went to work in the coal mines, eventually loosing his life to lung cancer in his early 50’s. But before he died, he became a union organizer to improve the lives of workers. He took his children, Jack and Madge on long hiking and bike trips so they would learn about the beauty & history of their country. He spent hours studying world geography with his children, so they would know more of the world beyond a few neighboring villages. He must have been a very gifted teacher. He died in November, 1932.

My English grandmother kept her little family together by taking in sewing. Jack went into the merchant marine at age 16, and traveled the world. From 1940 through 1945, he was captain of a merchant ship transporting goods through submarine infested waters. He met my mother in New York City and married her in February 1945. He died suddenly in November, 1946.

Aunt Madge was determined to be a teacher and put herself through college. She taught young children for many years. Eventually she rose to the position of head-mistress and opened a brand new school for primary age students. My cousin Melanie always used to say, “Oh Aunt Madge, you DO have a BOSSY walk!”

Aunt Madge married late in life. It was a long time friendship that grew into a loving relationship. She and Uncle John were soul-mates. On one visit, I came upon them having a quiet conversation. They had just watched a news program about a crisis in Africa that had brought starvation and suffering into the lives of children. They both decided to double their regular giving to charity. I was amazed. I had never known anyone to see suffering on television and decide to DO something about it personally. All of this was done quietly. I would never have known had I not wandered into the room exactly at that moment. It made a huge impression on me. Because of this incident, I feel that she would vigorously approve of donations to Doctors Without Borders in her honor.

Aunt Madge took care of people all her life. When her mother’s health failed, she and Uncle John took her into their own home to care for her. She was kind and patient with her mother who had a rather difficult, unbending personality. Her mother also died in the month of November.

Uncle John suffered from several chronic ailments. Aunt Madge took care of him and loved him through many challenging illnesses. Uncle John lost his battle and was buried in November, 1981. Now they are together again, in St. Cuthbert’s church in Akworth, in Yorkshire.

After John’s death, Aunt Madge went to live with his sister Wem. She and Aunt Wem visited us here in America during the mid-1980’s. Their visit was full of fun and laughter. Shortly after that visit, Aunt Wem had a stroke and Aunt Madge took care of her for several years until her death in mid-October, 1994.

Through all this, I have reams of letters, and many visits: while I was growing up; later on with my husband Bob, and still later several visits with Jason & Kristin while they were growing up. Bob became a loving son to Aunt Madge – and our children & granddaughter were her grandchildren. She was very proud of all of them.

During the past 10 years, Aunt Madge’s health and eyesight failed. I am grateful that my English cousins, Godfrey, Margaret, Daniel & Fiona looked after her so lovingly for many years. Fortunately, as her health problems increased, overseas telephone calls greatly improved. That allowed us to keep our 61 year old friendship going in spite of the distance.

The stroke she had a few years ago sometimes caused mixed-up words. No matter. She just needed a little prompting. All those geography lessons she learned from her father stuck with her. I mentioned South Carolina once, and she was momentarily confused. “South Carolina”, I said, “a state in the southern part of our country.” A brief pause….. and then, “Oh yes, I remember – Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida.”

Aunt Madge was almost always optimistic and upbeat. But she confessed to a dread of the month of November. So much sadness for her in that month …

Her quiet, dignified and valuable life came to an end much too soon. She died in November – 2 days after my father’s death 62 years ago. She was 96 years young – and truly my surrogate mother AND my best friend forever. I will miss her always – but I will remember her strength, dignity, sense of history, and typically English, chin-up, “let’s get on with it” attitude. Her generation – truly the Greatest Generation.

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